


hush little baby…

by lostalongtthewayy



Series: whatever it takes [7]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, cs fluff, cs future fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 04:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10914339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostalongtthewayy/pseuds/lostalongtthewayy
Summary: cs future family fluff ~ or the one in which Killian and Emma are in awe, and amazed, and so in love with their five-week old baby girl.





	hush little baby…

Everything is just  _so_  small. So so bloody small.

Before Estella was born, Killian helped Emma wash and fold the tiny clothes; all of them, including the miniature trousers and booties. He briefly wondered ( _assumed_ ) the baby sure wasn’t going to be able to fit in half the clothes.

It had been much of an afterthought back then. He shared a look with Emma when  _she_ commented about the size of the clothes (most likely having read his thoughts about the matter) but that had been the end of it.

They carried on, deciding instead which tiny outfit their baby would wear when they brought her or him home from the hospital.

At the time, they didn’t know Estella was a girl, so they’ve chosen a little white cotton one-piece, with tiny yellow ducks on the feet and a small one near the heart.

Once the day came, and Estella was born, it turned out the outfit they chose was much too  _big_ for their little duckling. Estella was a wee little one and most  _all_  the clothes they had for her, were  _too_ big.

Killian could hardly believe it and insisted there was no way that was possible.

Emma had been more understanding than he was, and proceeded to make arrangements to get more than a handful of smaller clothes for Estella.

She reassured him telling him Estella would grow into all of her clothes in no time flat, and that this was normal. “ _She was born a whole five weeks early, Killian,”_  Emma had told him patiently.  _“There was a lot of chunking up this little one decided to skip,”_  she’d said, before kissing Estella softly and effectively making his heart stutter.

(Grow in size as well. Probably  _two_  sizes  _at least_ )

The new clothes Snow and the prince procured for Estella at Emma’s request, were so much  _smaller_  than the ones they had before. And while by now, Estella has definitely grown into that ‘home-from-the-hospital’ outfit, it still never stopped to blow Killian’s mind that his little girl is really  _so small._

Those little clothes he’s holding right now, are  _really_  his daughter’s clothes. She is  _that_  small and vulnerable and all at once, the anxiety in Killian’s belly becomes ten times worse because —  _God_ , what if he does something wrong? What if he holds Estella just not right and her little neck gets hurt? What if he accidentally puts an onesie a size too big and it hurts Estella in her sleep? What if he hurts her while trying to swaddle her tiny body for a nap? What if she rolls in her sleep and they don’t notice? What if her little face gets squished against her mattress and she can’t breathe? And Heavens, what if she just suddenly stops breathing all together?

“Killian,”

Emma’s voice is a whisper but it still startles him. Killian jumps three whole steps away from Emma the second she lays a hand on his arm.

He looks back at her frowning, his hand still holding on tightly ( _God, too tightly_ ) onto one of Estella’s tiny onesies.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Aye,”

Emma knows better than to believe him. She tilts her head, and smiles sadly at him. “You know,  _she’s_ okay,” she tells him soothingly. “Babies just cry sometimes.  _A lot._ It’s nothing you did; she’s just being fussy.”

“Aye, I know, love,” and he’s not lying, he _does know,_ he’s read about it, he’s also heard about it from Snow White herself and just about everyone who’s ever cared for an infant here in Storybrooke.

Killian  _does know,_ and yet—

“But do you?”

He can’t answer that. Killian licks his lips in lieu of an answer then. He stalls, daring to look again at the tiny clothes in his hands. “How long did she cry for?” His voice is still a little shaky, still not over the helplessness he felt moments earlier when  _his_ baby just wouldn’t stop crying no matter what they did.

“An hour,” Emma answers simply, but the minute the words are out, Killian turns to her, and looks at her —pointedly  _looks at her._ She sighs. “A bit more than an hour, all right? But that’s not the point, the point is that it  _really_  is nothing we did, I promise you. Sometimes she’s just going to cry no matter what we do.”

He’s scared —that’s the realization Killian has come to since walking into Estella’s nursery earlier. It scares him how small she is, how much she depends on them, and just how little they can do sometimes to soothe her.

How little  _he_ can do to soothe her sometimes.

Killian gulps, setting down the onesie he was holding next to a small pile of clean baby clothes on top of the changing table. “Is she asleep?”

“Nah,” Emma shakes her head, moving so that she’s standing right next to him. “She’s still wide awake,” she tells him. She starts folding the onesies one by one, and then hands them over to Killian so he can put them in Estella’s dresser. “She’s happy on her back on our bed…I wanna keep her there for a bit longer,” she shifts her eyes to meet his, and then tries for a small smile. “Just in case…” she says, and Killian nods, slowly.

They work in silence for a few more minutes, enough that all the little clothes are put away in their respective drawers. Once they are all finished, Emma looks over at Killian and reaches for his hand. “Come on,” she tells him, intertwining their fingers and tugging him to her. “Estella is perfectly okay, Killian. I promise you. I’d  _feel it_ if she weren’t,”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Emma replies as the two walk back to their bedroom. “I promise.” She adds, and means it. She can’t explain her connection to Estella all that well yet, but she understands enough to know that there  _is_ a connection between them. If something was wrong with Estella, truly wrong, Emma knows she would be able to  _feel_  it.

Once in their bedroom, they each set at one side of Estella. She’s sprawled out comfortably on the bed, a small receiving blanket underneath her as she looks up at the two of them with misty blue eyes. Yeah, their little one had just about cried herself hoarse this afternoon nearly breaking both their hearts in the process.

She’s okay now though, and that is what Emma wishes Killian would see.

Eventually, after he eyes Estella for over ten minutes truly fearing she was going to start wailing at any second, Emma sees Killian let out a long breath and setting back on the bed.

She’s already smiling, thinking in just the right way to ‘ _scold_ ’ Estella for making her Daddy  _so so worried,_ when Killian asks first, “What was that you were humming?”

“Hm?”

“Before, when Estella was crying, you were humming something to her; it stopped her wails, what was that?”

Emma frowns as she tries to remember. She looks down at Estella for a bit, and can’t help smiling at the way the baby is trying to find her thumb. She’s failing, but she keeps trying, certainly willing to settle by putting  _any finger_ in her mouth at this point.

Her tries just aren’t working though and it makes Emma chuckle a little. She takes Estella little hand into her own, and moves it off her face before brushing her lips softly against Estella’s forehead.

“Hush little baby?” She replies at last, glancing up at Killian.

His eyebrows knit in confusion though. “Pardon me?”

His cluelessness makes Emma’s lips twitch upwards. “I think that’s what it was; it’s just a lullaby…”

Killian nods at that. He knows about cradle songs. Some days he even thinks he remembers his late mother singing one softly to both Liam and him.

That’s a recurrent dream Killian has sometimes. He’s small and they are going to bed. He can never see his mother, not really, but he can almost hear her as he lays on a cot, and she puts him and Liam to sleep one night. It’s always the same night. Killian sees Liam in his dream, and he usually feels so at peace in it.

He’s shared that dream with Emma once or maybe even a few times. Sometimes he’s spaced out and she’ll ask him what’s up. Sometimes he brushes it off, but sometimes he tells her. He doesn’t remember much about his early childhood or his mother, but the few things he does remember, are treasures.

Emma is the only one he’s ever shared  _those_ treasures with.

Perhaps one day he’ll share them with Estella as well.

Perhaps one day  _she_ will treasure little memories of her very own and just maybe, he’ll be part of those treasured moments too.

“I’ll be right back, give me a sec,” Emma tells him then, interrupting his thoughts. Killian doesn’t get a chance to ask her where she’s going, before she’s just kissing Estella and getting up.

He barely has time to wonder what got into her, before Emma is already back. He notes she’s holding one of Estella’s baby books in her hands. “Here, these ones are the classics everybody grows up with around here…”

It’s a nursery rhymes book Estella got as a present before she was born. They flip through the pages for a few moments, until Emma finds the one. She points at it, smiling at Killian.

“Is this the one you were singing to Estella before?”

“Yeah…”

“Um,”

“You wanna know how it goes?”

He looks at her, and she can tell he’s not sure, or maybe even a little embarrassed to ask, but Emma still just smiles at him some more and nods.

She begins humming the tune softly at first, shifting to snuggle closer to Estella. She uses the back of her finger to stroke Estella’s chubby little face before pressing a soft kiss to her rosy cheek.

She starts singing quietly only a moment later, her eyes steady on Estella, while she’s merely just whispering the words close to the baby’s ear. “ _Hush little baby, don’t say a word…mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird won’t sing, **Papa’s**  gonna buy you a diamond ring,” _she grins up at Killian then and holds his stare until he smiles coyly and looks down at Estella.  _“And if that diamond ring turn brass…”_

 _“…Papa’s gonna buy you a looking glass…_ ”

Emma lets out the smallest gasp when Killian joins in, oh, so softly singing to their daughter as well. She’s singing the tune by heart, while Killian’s kept the book opened in his lap as they sing.

Stubbornly, Emma blames the sudden onset of tears to leftover pregnancy hormones or  _something,_ before she just decides she doesn’t really care and instead locks eyes with him.

He shrugs sheepishly, and she rolls her eyes leaning up just slightly so she can press her lips to his for a moment. She closes her eyes, sighing deeply before nodding at Killian toward Estella. She smiles at him reassuringly and soft and sweetly they start singing the words of the lullaby once more.

_“And if that looking glass gets broke…”_

_“…Papa’s gonna buy you a billy goat.”_

_“And if that billy goat won’t pull…”_

_“…Papa’s gonna buy you a cart and bull.”_

They take turns with the verses, and while their pitch may not be perfect, Estella doesn’t seem to mind one bit. Her eyes are still wide open, far from the sleepy baby she should be, but she’s so entranced by them both, it honestly doesn’t matter she’s completely skipping a nap right now. Her eyes look huge, shimmering blue and darting back and forth between the two of them.

Killian’s hand sets on Estella’s tummy and he gently rubs little circles over it as he continues to take his cues from Emma and whisper the correct verse of the song to his littlest love.

_“And if that cart and bull turn over…”_

_“…Papa’s gonna buy you a dog named Rover.”_

His eyebrow quirks at this part and Emma can’t help the breathy chuckle that escapes her. _“And if that dog named Rover won’t bark,”_ she sings ignoring his silly pleading look. She bites her lip when Killian just doesn’t shift his eyes from hers. “In your dreams,” she tells him in a playful hushed whisper _. “_ How about we get through the newborn stage before thinking about furry babies, okay?”

Killian smirks but doesn’t answer. He puffs out a little laugh before focusing back in Estella. He leans down enough to nuzzle his nose against Estella’s wee one, and then grins at his daughter before resuming her lullaby… _“And if that dog named **Rover**  won’t bark, Papa’s gonna to buy you a horse and cart…”_

Emma smiles dreamily at him and Estella, before sighing contently. “ _And if that horse and cart fall down…”_ their eyes lock for an instant before the last verse of the song is sung to the small baby between them.

_“Well, you’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town…”_

They are quiet, watching Estella as she watches  _them_ , and it warms his heart, it  _heals_ him really, to see his baby girl calm instead of in the state of discomfort she was earlier.

It’s heartbreaking to see Estella fussy and uneasy —worst even, being unable to soothe her. Killian knows Emma’s right, he knows babies just cry sometimes, but more than anything Killian wishes the crying just wasn’t coming from  _his_ baby daughter.

“Daddy’s sorry you cried so much, little love,”

Emma smiles sadly at that, but then can’t stop her heart from effectively melting when Killian leans down to brush soft sweet kisses on Estella’s temple and cheeks.

He’s pulling back from the baby, and Emma’s ready to tell him how much she loves  _him_ when she notes his eyes narrowing, and on instinct so does she.

Emma follows his eyes to Estella, but then—

“That…”

If her heart was full and happy before, the sight of their daughter  _right now_ has just made that fullness and happiness grow exponentially. “ _That_  —would be a smile…” Emma whispers, looking down at Estella and matching the baby’s gummy smile with an impossibly wide grin of her own. “You loved Daddy singing to you, didn’t you Duckling?”

And of course Estella doesn’t answer, but her little eyes do shift to Emma, and it’s such a small thing she’s doing, meeting her gaze, but to Emma — _and Killian_ — it truly doesn’t feel small at all.

Estella has only been with them  _weeks,_ and yet in such short time she has already changed  _so much_. She changes so quickly and is these little moments when the rest of the world fades and it’s just  _them_ and this little person they made from scratch, that Emma sees things — _her life_ — from just the right perspective.

“I think we should get him to sing you more often, Ducky, what do you say?”

And for one reason or the other, Estella  _does_ coo at Emma’s words and it makes her gasp.

“We have a smart wee lass in our hands, love,”

Emma chuckles at his comment. “It seems like we do,” she agrees, locking eyes with him. Her look softens after a beat and she sighs. “I hate it so much when she cries like today too, you know?”

Shyly looking at Estella, then Emma, Killian nods. “I know Swan…”

“She’s this tiny little person and it’s really scary because she’s ours and…—I mean, we’ve faced so many horrible things in our lives, together and not, but then she comes and suddenly she’s the scariest thing we’ve ever dealt with right?”

He stares at her for a beat too long. It stuns him that she’s been feeling  _exactly_ the way he has all this time. It’s an odd feeling but one he welcomes. “Aye love,” Killian tells her eventually. “I—, I love her but every little thing now is—”

“Heightened?”

“Aye,” he sighs.

“It’s going to get easier I think,”

He tilts his head at that, looking at her as if asking how she’s sure.

“I said  _I think_ ,” Emma tells him with a small chuckle. “That’s what my mom would say, so I’m sticking to it. We just have to get used to the fact that she’s heighted the stakes —a lot. We have so much more to lose now. She’s our whole everything and it’s scary but it’s also kind of–,”

“Wonderful?” Killian supplies when she trails of thinking.

Emma grins. “Yeah,  _wonderful_ ,” she agrees simply. “Also she’s really cute when she’s not wailing, so you know, that helps,”

He breathes a chuckle and nods. “It sure does, Swan,” Killian agrees before shifting his eyes to Estella. She’s still wide eyed looking at them —the two of them and yes, it is wonderful. “Daddy loves you little love…” He promises, but then Emma catches the exact moment his lips twitch and his eyebrow shifts up just the slightest bit.

She knows there’s something he’s not saying. “What?”

Of course he looks at her as though she’s grown a third head. Emma doesn’t buckle though. His smirk is coy as he shrugs then. “I was just thinking how much more Daddy’d love her if she didn’t wail for no reason ever again…”

“Ooh,” Emma lets out, smile silly as she eyes Estella. “Your Daddy’s got a point kid,” she says, nodding as if for emphasis. “Although I’m pretty sure he’d love you just as much even if you do a repeat of tonight every day,”

“HEY!” she’s completely missing his point, and truly, Killian will totally stop to care more about his Swan saying such things in front of Estella, if not for what he sees when he looks back down at the baby —yes, that’s another sweet gummy smile on her face.

“You’re so screwed,” Emma says then, her head shaking at how perfectly  _smitten_ Killian became immediately at the sight of Estella’s smile. He glares at her, but it’s less than heartfelt at best, and anyway, it’s not as though she doesn’t feel just as smitten by Estella’s newest antic as well.

Emma laughs then as Killian proceeds to finally scoop up their kid into his arms and hold her close to his face peppering kisses to her tiny cheeks. She watches them and it hits her then again; they are her world —these two before her, Henry, her parents, her little brother. They are everything Emma always wished she’d have. They are her family, her rock, her  _everything…_

“Where’d you go, love?”

Emma doesn’t reply, just locks eyes with him, and smiles slightly.

She shrugs in lieu of words, and then simply moves, leaning in on Killian’s side. Estella’s eyes shift to her, and Emma can’t help smiling at her daughter. “Mom loves you so much too, kid…”

 x


End file.
